When you’re in a kinship you can sometimes find it difficult to get done the things you would like to do because you spend a lot of your time helping others. This can get frustrating for anyone but I think it becomes especially frustrating for the casual player who’s time is quite limited.
I’m not complaining. For the most part I do what I would like with my game time and if I decide to help someone, it’s because I choose to, not because I feel compelled or even forced to. This has come about after years of being the helpful person always stuck finishing other people’s goals. It starts to wear you down after a while. Helping others finish their goals while you look at what you need to complete gathering dust starts to feel more like a chore than the cheery helper you started out as.
I like to help. Helping others feels good and you get to hang out with friends and sometimes meet new people. Nothing wrong with helping and I think that you should do it whenever you can. But when helping others interferes with your personal goals, what do you do? Where do you draw the line?
I feel this happens to a select set of people:
- The super friendly, nice folks
You somehow are recognized as that person that will always help and if online will be asked to come help. Often you won’t even be asked if your available because they just assume you will drop everything to help. - Healers / Tanks
Your main weakness is guilt because you are typically needed and often in short supply. Even if you manage to say “no thank you” you can be still be sucked into helping. “We could get this quest done if only we had a healer… /sigh” - Kin Leaders or Officers
You’re goal is to keep members happy and active and will often sacrifice your own plans to help someone else.
Sometimes you can belong to two or even all of those groups. It’s not that you don’t mind giving assistance when needed it’s just that you can only play for a couple hours tonight and you really had hoped to finish a tier in crafting or were going to work on a specific deed you needed. Sure your crafting can wait but at the same time, why can’t their quest wait?
I’m telling you it’s ok to say, “No, thank you”. Don’t be rude or cruel about it but state that you had your own goals set for tonight. If you’re truly willing to help, suggest that you’d be happy to help after you completed your plans for the evening. Or ask them to join you (if possible) and help you get your task done quicker so you’ll be free.
I’ve been known in the past to instruct the person to try and find someone who needs the quest first. Try to find someone else in the kin or even in LFF that needs the quest. It’s always more efficient if everyone in the fellowship is on the same page. If they really have had no luck finding assistance elsewhere, then I will gladly step in.
Every now and then you have to make “you” time. You play this game for fun! If you’re starting to feel worn out from spending hours helping other people, take a break and make a day for you. You have deeds, titles, crafts and quests you’d like to complete as well. You don’t need to feel bad about taking a day off of helping others to get those done. You may even find someone willing to join you!
On the flip side, if you’re typically the person always getting what you need done, perhaps today’s your day to help someone else! Ask if anyone needs any help before scuttling off to your personal tasks.
LOTRO’s community is famous for it’s friendly and helpful folks. We have to be careful not to abuse or take advantage of these wonderful people’s time!
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November 25, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Abso-freakin’-lutely.
My favorite class is Guardian. Not because I like to tank, but because I enjoy its flexibility and mechanics to that of a Champion. Attempting to guilt me into doing something on MY time is #2 reason Ill drop a kinship (first being guild drama – YAWN).
Granted, I love to help other players. In fact, that’s always what I considered to be “my endgame” as I have little to no interest in Raiding, PvMP, or Crafting. But sometimes I just want to hack apart a few Orcs and call it a night!
November 25, 2009 at 12:52 pm
I have a tendency to be kind of quiet in-game, so when I do play with others it’s generally doing what they’ve asked for help with… which means I’m so behind in my epic quests on Gladden and Brandywine that it’s kind of pathetic.
Of course, that’s my fault lol.
November 25, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I don’t have much of a problem saying no. I have to all the time, mainly because I tend to play at the whim of my family. As in, kid get stuck on a math problem–time to go afk and fix it. Maybe I’ll be back, maybe not. When playing in this mode, I just don’t feel right accepting big quests. I’d hate to see a group wipe because the dog needs to be fed.
So I find myself running grey areas solo anc chatting friends when faced with this sort of time.
On the other hand… when I _do_ need to get something done, I try to find others who also need it and make a date for the quest. Sometimes this happens informally, sometimes formally.